Never Really Knowing
by lasthourstandx
Summary: Harry marrys ginny then relises that his heart belongs to hermione


Disclaimer- I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters. I'm just borrowing them for my story.  
  
I held the knife up to my neck, I felt the cold steel right on it, it felt good... it felt right. It was the only way that I could escape this bullshit one would call a life. How I got my self into this mess I will never fully understand. How I let them control me like they do I will never be able to explain. I can give you an idea though I'm warning you now. It's not pretty and it's not funny if that's what you're looking for turn back now.  
  
It started about 2 years ago. After Harry and Ginny got married. Of course I, Hermione was asked to be the made of honor because we were such good friends. If you didn't get that I was being sarcastic. Ginny and me never really talked. Little did I know that this was all a set up to make me feel even more like shit then I currently did. Its not like she didn't know that I had feelings for him.  
  
At the time I was still young about 17 and oblivious to what was happening. I never really expected for what seemed like the apocalypse for the wizard world to come. At the time I didn't have any plans for anything, I didn't even know what I was going to eat for breakfast let alone do in the next 20 years. Its like a force stronger then god came and took over my life. But of course why would you care you're just a book you wouldn't understand. No one does they all act like it's easy for me to be their slave!  
  
But as I was saying I was her maid of honor. The wedding was a beautiful affair, I don't know how they got the money for it. The walls were covered with white and red flowers, each table had its own cake and floating candles. Her dress was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. It was light purple, strapless, formfitting to the waist then poofed out into a big princess style bottom. On the top of the dress there was beading to make little flowers.  
  
As she walked down the isle in her beautiful gowned and looked into his eyes I knew that I had no chance ever again. Then Ginny looked at me with what looked like a smirk. I thought I was just hallucinating. So I just shook it off and looked back at Harry, thinking to myself, 'Why am I here?'. When they were leaving from the hall we threw rose petals at them  
  
Well to do a little flash-forward about 10 years later Ginny joined a cult. DWOCA, was the name. Dark Wizards of the Current Age. Didn't seem like much of a threat, well it was. As soon as you were excepted life was basically great. Everyone seemed like everyone else's brother or sister. If someone messed with one person, well, lets just say that person never forgot. This cult was also related to the Dark Lord himself. The only reason Ginny even married Harry was so she could keep him under her control. She was really in love with Voldemort, she would do anything for him, even kill her own family  
  
Well my first mistake was that I got in touch with harry after all those years. We started talking and he told me that his marriage with Ginny wasn't going that well and he wanted to see if we still had a chance. And my second mistake, we got back together and had an affair. Yes, I say that so openly like its no big deal well it was considering he's dead now. That bitch Ginny killed him. And then they came after me. And that's just the beginning.  
  
After my last year at Hogwarts I left the wizerding world for good. I didn't want to have anything to do with Harry, Ron, or any other witch or wizard. I had my own apartment, my own job and my own life, "I kept telling myself that I don't need them, I don't need him.". I prayed that he had forgotten about me, but longed to have him in my embrace.  
  
One morning after I got back from my morning run, I unlocked the front door and walked through the kitchen and nearly fainted. Harry Potter was sitting in my living room. I couldn't move, I just stood there like a complete idiot.  
  
"Hello, Herms." he said. I still just stood there not saying anything. "Long time no see",  
  
"Yeah", was the only thing I was able to spit out. "How did you find me here?" STUPID STUPID!! I finally see the man that I have loved since before I knew how to love, and I ask him how he found me...  
  
"I have my ways." He said deviously. "Why? Are you trying to hide?"  
  
"um.".  
  
"Any ways there's a reason why I'm here, but I can't really talk about it right now. Here", he stuffed a letter in my hand. "we'll keep in touch." He said and kissed me on my cheek. "Bye Herms" he winked then dissaparated.  
  
I stood there for a while trying to compute what just happened. After about ten minuets the word "bye" sipped through my lips. I found my way over to the couch and I sat down and opened the letter.  
  
Dear Hermione,  
  
I'm sorry that I had to leave in such a rush it's just that I am being monitored where I go and if I leave for to long then people will come look for me. I know that this is making no sense what so ever but then again that kind of is my life. Well, anyway I hope that we can meet again and I will explain everything. Meet me in diagon ally around noon tomorrow? Thanks Herms! Love, Harry Potter  
  
Harry's letter brought back so many memories of note passing in Hogwarts and summer letters. I wish we could have gone back to those years. In our sixth year of Hogwarts Harry and I had dated. I wished we could have gone back to that year. I wanted to be in his arms, when I was there it felt like nothing could ever go wrong. It was just he and I happy.  
  
I read the letter about three times trying to put into understanding what was going on. Why was Harry being monitored? Why did he contact out of all people, me, after all these years? I put the letter down on the coffee table in front of me and stared into the blank T.V for about three minuets until the phone rang.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hermione?"  
  
"Who is this?" I asked to the person on the other end.  
  
"It's Ron, something's happened... terrible.. I can't talk about it now but...." He was all out of breath and it was hard to understand him  
  
"Ron?... Hello? Ron?" There was no answer, just complete silence. "Ron!... Ron answer me!!" I took the phone away from my ear and looked at it, then slammed it back down. I was so confused that when I walked into my bedroom I didn't even get undressed I just flopped down on my bed and fell asleep.  
  
'BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP' "ugghh" I said as I shut off the incessant beeping of my alarm clock. It was 6:30 and I had to go to work. I got up and walked into the bathroom. I pushed open the blue shower curtain on my shower. I was one of those people whose rooms had themes and this room was the beach. I turned the water on hot, slipped out of my clothes and walked into the shower. I stood there for a few minuets just letting the hot water poor over me. Then hurried to finish my shower. I pulled the blue sea shelled printed towel off the hook and rapped my self in its warmth.  
  
Suddenly, I remembered what happened the day before, the meeting with Harry, and the phone call from Ron, and how I had to meet Harry at noon today. I decided that I should call in sick for work. I picked up the phone and dialed,  
  
My annoying secretary picked up the phone. "Hermione Grangers office this is Marci speaking. How may I direct your call?"  
  
"Hi Marci, this is Hermione, I unfortunately am sick today so I'm not going to be able to make it to work."  
  
"All right, thanks for the notice. Bye"  
  
and that was it, it was now 8:00 I had four hours until my meeting with Harry.  
  
I didn't really know what to wear. I wasn't sure weather to dress to impress, or casual, or just comfort. I decided comfort. I pulled out a pair of jeans and a tank top. I took a messenger's bag and put my robes in it so I could change later.  
  
When I walked into diagon ally I didn't really know what to expect, I didn't even know what I was doing there. I turned to leave when  
  
"oomph, sorry ma... Hermione!!"  
  
"hey Harry! I was just looking for you!" I said knowing I was doing the exact opposite.  
  
"great! Lets go." he said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me along. We walked to a restaurant that I had never seen in diagon ally before. The walls were a light green with all sorts of strange looking lanterns on them. He seemed to be getting strange looks from people as we walked along. He apparently didn't mind, so I didn't think much of it. When we were seated in the restaurant the water came top take our order. He spoke with a strange French accent.  
  
"May I take you order Misour?" he slurred.  
  
Harry responded, "I will have the house special thank you,"  
  
"And for za lady?"  
  
"I will have the same thank you" I responded  
  
"Marci" he said as we handed him the menus.  
  
Before the food came we didn't really talk much, we just kind of sat there and smiled at each other. It was not an awkward silence, more of a comfortable one.  
  
"So, how have you been? It's been so long since we've talked. Tell me about the new Hermione!" Harry said and flashed one of those dashing smiles at me. His bright green eyes starring right into mine.  
  
"I.. I manage a computer department". I surprised myself just then by being able to get words out.  
  
He laughed "that's funny Herms, you're a great witch and you choose a desk job, and a muggle one no less!" he leaned in closer too me "I never did understand you.. I guess that's what makes you so great. Never really knowing what's gonna happen next." I smiled not knowing what to say but still having an active conversation. That's how we spent the evening talking and looking into each other's eyes. If I didn't know better I would have thought it was a date.  
  
We talked about everything, from what I did for a living to the color of his eyes to the old Hogwarts days. I never really knew how much I missed him until that day when. I looked down at my watch and to my surprise it was 12:00 we had spent a whole 12 hours together in what felt like 12 minutes! "Oh no!!! look at the time!! I have work tomorrow!! I gotta go!! I'm so sorry!"  
  
"Its okay", he said and threw another dashing smile at me. "I'll just have to come visit you." He said then winked. We hugged then I dissaprated.  
  
I couldn't stop smiling when I was at work the next day. I was pretty sure that I scared some people. There was a knock on the door.  
  
"Come in", I looked up from the paper work I was working on. "Oh, hello Marci".  
  
"There is a Mr. Snitch here too see you he said its important."  
  
I looked at her strangely, 'Mr. Snitch.... Oh! Harry!' I smiled, "Thanks Marci you can let him in"  
  
"All right", she said then turned away. I got up from my chair, walked in front of my desk, and leaned on it waiting for him to come in.  
  
He walked in he was wearing muggle clothes a pair of baggy jeans and a white long sleeve shirt with a black tee over it. "Fancy seeing you here". He said with a smirk  
  
I smiled "any particular reason you are interrupting my work?" I said jokingly.  
  
"Yes there is, I forgot to tell you this yesterday." He walked over and kissed me. 


End file.
